When It Isn't What It Seems

Sometimes with Diabetes, as in life, things aren't what they seem. Is that freakish high blood sugar really that, or is there some residual Sweedish Fish left on the fingertips of a previous low episode? (last week). Are high numbers at bedtime an indication of a site gone bad, or notice that it's time to tweak the dinner insulin: carb ratios? (last night)

And sometimes a whiny emotional outburst is the cover for internal turmoil of the diabetes variety.

Take, for example, an issue we've just recently burrowed to the bottom of. The school bus. Yes, that bastion of hierarchy where, with little or no supervision, older kids can get all Lord Of The Flies on unsuspecting younger children. So I was somewhat skeptical when Grace began complaining that the good-for-nothing second graders (Little Sister included) were stealing the hard earned 4th grade seats. Being a walker myself in elementary school, I was unaware of the seating chart on any given school bus - younger kids up front, older kids in the back (where I can only presume they're planning the next hostile takeover of the cafeteria on pizza day!).

Now you must understand that there's only 12 kids on our bus. TWELVE! that leaves, what, 40 or so seats available. But this bee had gotten into Grace's bonnet and she began complaining with more frequency about the snotty, entitled, second graders.

"Gracie, just find another seat," I said, much more concerned with those dinner I:C ratios swimming in my brain. "Or if it really bothers you, ask them politely to switch seats."

Really, I thought, wah-wah-wah. She needs to learn to handle these petty grievances on her own.

But then out came the true problem buried beneath all the whining and complaining. "Mom," she said, clearly struggling to find the words that would help me understand her dilemma. "You don't understand. I have to go to the nurse at dismissal to have my number checked. That's right when they call my bus. So my friends get on, then the second graders (said with as much disdain as possible) take all the next seats and by the time I get on there's no room left near my friends!"

BINGO! D dilemma, indeed.

I've dealt with my share of mean girls, I've survived puberty, first crushes, heart breaks and peer pressure. But I've never had to deal with all of that while living with a chronic condition that none of my closest friends has. I only hope I can be the mother Grace needs me to be to help guide her through. I hope I can recognize when her troubles aren't what they seem when diabetes is involved.

Chirp, chirp, chirp...

You hear the crickets chirping? I do too. That's the deafening sound of the silence that's befallen my blog.

I haven't posted in weeks. To be honest, I haven't even read OTHER blogs in weeks.

I just don't seem to have the energy these days. I'm tired, stressed, and overwhelmed. I feel like I haven't had a moment to myself in weeks. It's actually taking a really long time to even write this post because I keep pausing to simply stare out the window, lost in a vegetative state.

First, as usual, I'll start with the diabetes stuff. I suppose it's just "life with D" but it seems like there's always something messing with Grace's numbers. So I'm never quite sure if her numbers are a trend that need to be addressed, or an anomaly that will correct itself. Are the past two days high numbers due to stress and hours of sitting for MCAS (Mass. state testing)? Or maybe rebound numbers after a weekend of skiing? (No, I didn't ski. I don't ski. I was the "helping my husband ski with three kids" facilitator. It was a full-time job. It sucked most of the time.)

And that's just my latest D issue. There's ALWAYS something. And it's exhausting. And overwhelming. Last week we changed some of her basals. Are they working? Not sure yet, what with all the state testing and skiing going on.

And then there's the Variety Show. The annual talent show at the elementary school. Grace is in two acts, Little Sister's in one and Little Brother's in one. Somehow I was put in charge of my two girl's acts. Good God, the drama that comes from directing seven young girls in a two minute dance routine! There's choreography, costumes, props, rehearsals. Last night was the dress rehearsal (yes, the finish line is in sight!). I was there for FOUR AND A HALF HOURS! Are you freaking kidding me?

Did I mention that Little Sister's birthday party is this weekend? Am I prepared? Nope! Ten 8 year old girls will be coming expecting crafts for two hours. Sounds fun, huh? Then my in-laws are coming on Sunday, because God forbid we have one celebration and get it over with. I have to clean the house (after Hurricane Second Grade Girl Party) and cook them dinner and, come to think of it, make another cake since Sunday is Little Sister's actual birthday.

Then my husband leaves for Vegas for 12 days. And soccer, softball, lacrosse and t-ball all start up. Then we go to New Jersey for Easter.

And all I want to do is crawl into bed, watch a little hockey and Dancing With The Stars (yes, I have eclectic taste) and go to sleep.

And not wake up till summer vacation.

Diabetes on Display

Last Saturday we spent the day at Boston's Museum of Science. We planned to go because they have a temporary exhibit called...

There was nothing totally new or Earth-shattering, but maybe that's just my view. Any person with, or parent of, a Type 1 Diabetic already knows most of what was on display. But I'm all for education and advocacy, so...

Here's Grace inside a giant blood vessel...

How much blood would she need for this meter...

By far the coolest part of the exhibit was a hands-on demonstration at the end. There was a bucket filled with water, and several soda cans next to it. The kids were asked if they thought the soda cans would sink or float. Then they picked a can and tested their hypothesis. And what do you know? The sugary sodas sank like a rock, and the sugar-free sodas floated! I couldn't get a great picture, but here's what I got... Regular soda contains sugar... LOTS of sugar. In some cases around 40 grams of sugar. Diet sodas contain artificial sweeteners, which are hundreds of times sweeter than regular sugar. This means far less artificial sweeteners are used in diet sodas. The difference in the amount of dissolved sweeteners leads to a difference in density. Cans of regular soda tend to be more dense than water, so they sink. Cans of diet soda tend to be less dense than water, so they float.

Now, I'm not advocating drinking copious amounts of diet soda, as I'm not a huge fan of artificial sweeteners. But I did think this was a cool experiment, and helpful in visually explaining how much sugar goes into soda. And who knows, it may show up at this year's Science Fair!

Overall if was a fun exhibit to take the kids to. It talked about Type 1 and Type 2 and difference between the two. It talked about diet and exercise, as well as the discovery of insulin.

We probably spent about an hour in the exhibit, then went and browsed the rest of the museum. I came across a live discussion about diabetes conducted by two doctors from Joslin. I only sat and listened for about 10 minutes, but in that time I learned that a prevailing theory on why Type 2 is on the rise is that some people have always carried the genetic trait and passed it on t0 their descendants. As industrialization has become global, and people have come indoors and become more sedentary, this trait can no longer be masked and controlled by vigorous activity. China and India show the highest increases in Type 2 diabetes, as industrialization has more recently exploded in those parts of the world.

All in all we had lots of fun, and learned some new things along the way. I don't know if it's a traveling exhibit, but if you hear about it coming near you, it's definitely worth the trip.

An Open Letter to Grace's Teacher

Dear Mr. S.,

I wanted to take the time to thank you for saving Grace's life today. You noticed something looked wrong with her when she was reading with a friend. She doesn't remember the details, but she remembers you standing in front of her with a Star Burst saying, "Eat this."

She doesn't remember you taking her to the nurse either, but you did. When the nurse checked her blood sugar it was 30. Her brain didn't have enough energy to function and was shutting down. She had a juice box and a 15 carb snack, followed by another snack, and began to recover.

Grace was amazed that she didn't feel any symptoms of the low. I needed to remind her that her confusion and blacking out WAS the symptom. This was the first time she's ever needed help and wasn't able to ask for it herself. Thank God you were there, looking out for her.

As a fourth grade teacher you're probably prepared for almost anything when you walk in your class in the morning. But I can guarantee you had no idea you'd be called on to save a life today. As a parent of a Type 1 Diabetic, I worry for her safety every time she's not with me (and even when she is!). We are truly blessed that people like you are in her life to watch over her as well.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You saved my daughter's life today. God Bless you.

Sincerely,

Pam (Grace's mom)

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Saturday was my Mom's birthday. I had intended to write a post about how great my Mom is, and what an inspiration she is. But weekends are busy around here, and time got away from me. So now I find myself with a few minutes to spare and no kids on top of me. Turn on my computer, get the creative juices flowing, and... nothing. Blank. I honestly can't think of what to write.

It's not for lack of inspiration. I just don't know where to begin.

My mom married the man who would become my model for what a great husband and father should be.

My mom worked nights for a time, but I can honestly say that I never remember her not being there. She was such a source of love and compassion when I was growing up that her absence was never felt.

One of my strongest childhood memories is of sitting on my mom's lap before bedtime on Christmas night. We were looking at the tree, listening to Christmas carols. I told her that I wished Christmas weren't over. She said, "Me too." I see now how hard it is to watch your children grow up.

My mom raised four happy, healthy, successful children. Hello! That's my main goal in life!

My mom nursed four children with chronic asthma, two as infants and two when they were teens. My oldest sister had it the worst as a baby. She had to be taken to the ER several times because she couldn't breathe.

My mom cooked though she never enjoyed it, ironed though she hated it with a passion, and was even the Girl Scout Cookie Chairperson, all in the name of her family. These are all things I took for granted as a child, but have come to appreciate as a mother.

My mom lost her father to cancer, her brother to complications from alcoholism, and her other brother to a heart attack. Her mother lived with us until she died.

Now my mom is at a point in her life that, I'm sure, she never imagined she'd be. She's taking care of my father who's health is rapidly deteriorating. He has Parkinson's and a myriad of other complications. Her life, so long lived in service to others, is now about caring for her husband who can no longer care for himself. Their winter vacations, something that they used to wait the entire year for, are a thing of the past. It would be too much for my dad. My mom has even given up her career as a nurse, something she was born to do, because he can't be left alone.

So how do I pay tribute to this woman who has given so much to so many?

All I can say is that I love you, Mom. I miss you every day and wish we lived closer so that I could help you out more. You're a great mom, Nanny and wife.

I honor you, Mom, on your birthday and every day. I love you and cherish our bond. I hope you had a wonderful birthday!

What does a "cure" mean to me?

Up until a couple of days ago I thought this was the stupidest question I had ever heard. Honestly? A cure? A cure means that my daughter has a fully functioning pancreas, capable of self-regulating her body's insulin needs. Duh.

But then I read through some of the thread at CWD about JDRFs new direction for the future, and I realized how many different things a cure can mean to different people.

To be truthful, and it's hard to put this out there, I don't believe there will be a cure for Type 1 Diabetes, by MY definition, in Grace's lifetime. I see her, at some point, using some future incarnation of a closed loop system, where one machine will constantly check her blood sugar and regulate the amount of insulin she receives. An alarm would sound when she's going low and needs glucose. But to me, this is not a cure. This is one generation beyond how we treat Grace now. Treatment, not cure.

Maybe I'm wrong, and a true cure will someday be found for Grace.

Maybe a cure will come in the form of prevention for those not yet diagnosed.

Maybe Grace's children won't have to worry that they are at higher risk because their mother is a T1D.

Maybe it will come from stem cells or encapsulated pig islets.

I don't know what the future will bring. I only know what I can do now.

I will continue to support the JDRF, and will continue to Walk For A Cure. Because that closed loop system will hopefully make it easier for Grace to maintain a low A1C. And one day Grace won't be a CWD (child with diabetes), she'll be a PWD (person with diabetes). She will move into adulthood, and will need a support system around her other than me.

And for us, the JDRF walks aren't just about raising money to find a cure. They're about community and love and support. I am amazed at the amount of friends and family who drop everything to walk with us. And the outpouring of financial support is astounding. People care. The walk is one day to show how much you care.

I don't think about a cure that much. We were all told at diagnosis that a cure is only about 10 years away. Kelly was told that. A teacher at Grace's school was told that 50 years ago. I believed it for a while. I don't any more.

But I do believe in technology making life easier.

I believe in research.

I believe in prevention saving millions from being diagnosed.

I believe in support.

I believe in community.

An Early Spring?

Just to update everyone on my personal snow hell...

My husband was able to come home a day early from his business trip to avoid the possible snow tonight. Thank God!

This picture was taken two days ago. That's my mailbox.


Water has breached the perimeter. I noticed last night a big water stain on the ceiling inside Grace's closet.

Today my husband plans on trying to get as much snow and ice off the roof as possible. This means climbing up a ladder (that's resting in snow) and precariously chipping away at snow and ice two stories above the ground.

Weather.com predicts snow 4 out of the next 10 days.

That stupid groundhog can take his prediction and shove it where his shadow don't shine!