Sunday, January 23, 2011

Two Years

It's been exactly two years since I started my job as a full-time pancreas. To be honest, I totally forgot.

That is, until Penny called so her Grace could wish my Grace at Happy Diaversary.

Then Grace went over to her friend M's house to play. M was diagnosed with T1D last year, and mutual friends put us in touch.

Grace's BFF A has an older sister H. H's best friend is a T1D.

That's the good. Because something good has to come from her diagnosis. Has to. It's the connections. The love. The community. My husband and I are closer than ever. I found the D-OC. Grace has developed her own community. It includes pen-pals and play dates, and other parents who "get it."

The bad that has come is too numerous and just to sad to mention. Today isn't the day for that.

Today is a day for embracing the good.

I believe you can't welcome new things into your life until you let go of some of the old things. This is true for material items as well as emotions. If I spend my days mired in upset, there's no space for gratefulness to take root. When I'm in a place where I can put down the sadness, I can finally make room for the joy. Some day's I'm pretty good at this. Other's I'm not.

On the day Grace was diagnosed, my sister called from Florida. Without needing to say a word, we simply cried together on the phone. Then she said something that at the time I knew to be true but couldn't quite see it. She said (and I paraphrase, because for God's sake it was all a blur), "Just know that one day this will all be okay."

And though it sucks down to my very marrow, she's right.


  1. Your attitude is one that I join in and admire dear Pam - that all of this, all of it, has to be for something that is beyond ourselves. And we can sit with sorrow or we can sit with joy. I'll take the joy side any day. Thank you for reminding me. Make room for the joy.
    I'm glad Grace had a good day just being Grace. Two years in, can you believe it? As I said, seems like forever, yet it seems like yesterday.
    And you sister is wise, cause you know, the one day is here and it is OK. We have all found each other.

  2. Pam -
    Happy Diaversary to Grace & Co!
    Like Penny, i love that "Grace had a good day being Grace."
    There is good in everything and I'm so glad that you and yours have found the good. With diabetes, the good helps us to push past the bad,and keeps us moving forward.
    Kelly K

  3. Happy anniversary! You have come so far!! That is my mantra: "Bad times don't last forever." It may seem like the sadness and the dispair will never end, but it washes away a little bit at a time. I hope you celebrate your victories! For there have been many!

  4. Damn - I just wrote about how I don't cry anymore and here I am . . . I stand corrected. Happy Daiversary, Grace and shall I say Happy Pancreaversary, Pam!

  5. We just passed year one and WOW...that's all I can say. I look forward to year two to be a little more calm, after all you can only be diagnosed with Type 1 once (thankfully!). But I can say that I am more OK with the whole thing than I was even 6 months ago. All you ladies and gents (D-OC)are the reason I can deal most of the time and I am grateful , very very grateful!